#Filter Beauty

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
                                                                I check my phone.
How many of you do the same thing?
                                                                 Most of us I guess.
May be you check your emails, or turn on your music player or check your messages or etc etc.

Let me start mine. I first check my messages in WhatsApp, then Viber, I have recently uninstalled Facebook messenger (but that would be my next app), then Snapchat probably and then look into Instagram, then Twitter and check my emails if I have any and at last Facebook and if I am still bored to get up I click a selfie and look my virtual self in phone and then finally get off the bed. (Such a tedious process I go through everyday to get up in the morning!!).

Now, why am I giving you all these details of mine? If you thought so, then that is a good question. Did you notice the title of this post? #FilterBeauty!! It was necessary to mention all these apps with all the filters that I have installed in my phone.

Well, if you have a smartphone and if you are a girl or a guy (whatever your gender is), I am sure you have all these apps and in addition you must have some Beauty Apps in your phones (i.e. the ones that make you look prettier in the eyes of world).

                                                 Do you have them?

If yes, then continue reading because you may relate it to my situation. If no, still keep on reading 'coz you may get an insight on what you have been missing all your life.

Since I was a kid till now, I am told (directly or indirectly) to always look pretty, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, hardworking, cultural, social, polite and calm: basically a perfect package of beauty with brain who knows how to cook delicious meal, how to talk with people, how to behave in a certain acceptable manner, how to sit with decency, how to talk and walk with poise, how to laugh, oh no! how to smile with elegance and etc etc. WHY? Just because I am a girl, a daughter, a female by gender who is supposed to get married to someone whom I won't know until few days prior to my marriage (now that I have decided for an arranged marriage) and I should be a perfect marriage material to attract, impress and enchant him, his parents, his relatives, his friends and even his neighborhood. (So much pressure in my little shoulders.. PHEW!!)

Now why am I blabbering you about all these and why am I going off the track when I am supposed to talk to you about #FilterBeauty?? Good Question again but wait! I haven't lost the track.

Remember I need to look good and pretty and beautiful and here fits those beauty apps perfectly that I have installed in my phone!!

I had my teenage problems post-teenage i.e. while most of the girls have their pimples during their early or mid teens, I got mine while I was in my 20s and the situation was pathetic. There wasn't a single spot on my forehead, chin and my right cheek where I didn't have them. Strangers used to give me those strange look, relatives used to sympathize and suggest me to try this and that, beauticians in beauty saloon used to recommend me this or that cream, my friends used to advise, "I had the same problem and I tried this and that so you try this and that as well." My parents concluded, "It's because of the digestion problem you have." In short, my face bothered everyone else ('coz everyone loved me) but eventually my face started to bother me as well with all those care I received. There were some days when I didn't want to look myself in the mirror because that I was so insecure in my own skin and I tried everything (literally) to get rid of them.

 I googled for remedies, tried DIY tips from YouTube, went to dermatologists, went to hospital and tried antibiotics as well, tried Ayurvedic face-pack, face scrub, face wash, tried fresh picked aloe vera from my garden, even applied toothpaste in my face and what not!! [DON'T TRY ANY OF THESE AT HOME]. And nothing worked so I gave up. At last, I don't know what worked but the pimples began to fade away and now there are only their remaining or scars in my face.

Sadly, I don't have much photos of my pimpled face now, because either I was scared of being clicked (there weren't beauty apps then), or I have used photo editors to retouch my skin or have deleted those memories because it made me feel ugly at that point of time.

Now, why did I think that those tiny spots in my face made me look ugly then? I don't know but the scenario hasn't changed much even today. Sometimes I question myself about why do I have so much of complex issues with my own skin? Why do I keep on using these different filters and beauty apps to click pictures?

The reason is simple: they hide all my scars, pimples, makes me look fair and gives me the spark that I don't own naturally. And at the same time, the beauty apps and filters say, "Okay, you are using me again. So you really liked the last photo you clicked with my help. Did people praise you? Well, thank me, I made you look what you are not!!"

These days I spend most of my time watching beauty tips and make up tutorials in my spare time. Last month I spent a hefty amount of my pocket money just to buy 4 items of beauty products just to make myself look comparable among others. I am learning to cover my own skin with some chemicals to hide my dark circles, paint my lips, eyes and face, make my eyebrows look darker and skin fairer. Everyday I remind myself to drink at least 3 liters of water not for health but in a hope for a glowing skin.  I find it so frustrating to see an app version of me who is more beautiful than what I really am.

Well, you may say GROW UP GIRL!! There are lots of other problems in life than yours. Well, that's true as well. I never used any beauty products (except for sunscreen and a kajal) in my face until I did my under-grad then I slowly upgraded to a compact powder after I started working and earning. But that didn't help.

Why don't you see how demoralized I become when I am compared with anyone else, the compliments I receive for being beautiful after I post any filtered photo makes me uncomfortable in my own complexion and questions my own body .

Why can't anyone compliment me for the hard work I do, why don't anyone see how beautiful dreams I have, why can't anyone praise the great plans I have and how can anyone miss the impeccable inner qualities I possess. Why do everyone concentrate on my short stature or judge me on my skin quality? Why do you force me to use all those chemicals and those stupid beauty apps and make me filter beauty??

The three selfies of mine. All taken on a same day; one after the other in a difference of few seconds. The one on the right hand corner is SnapChat filter that I have recently started using, the one in the middle is using BeautyPlus App and the one on the left corner is my original photo.

The same me: with oiled hair and had been working on my thesis project since morning so I kind of look tired and boring in my original photo but voila!! I look completely different in other two.

So, what are your thoughts on Filter Beauty?? Do you feel the same?