These Days I Am Scared

These days I am scared. I am scared because I am with vagina. I am scared because I carry an enlarged chest called breasts with me. I am scared to see any men around me and I feel safe no more. I am scared, what if my attire excites a guy. I am scared of having a boy-friend or scared of helping a guy who asks me to help him out. I am scared of the pathetic feelings a man may develop after he sees me. I am scared of the fact that I could be the next victim of the gang rape. I am scared that I could be the next wife whose husband beats her to death for insufficient dowry. I am scared because I could be the next girl on whom there could be an acid-attack. I am scared because I am a woman, a girl, a female, a lady. I am scared because I don't feel safe in this men's world anymore where a man or a group of men can do "anything" to my body just to satisfy their sexual pleasure.

Yes! I have been physically assaulted in a crowded public bus. Sometimes I've fought back, sometimes I feel sorry for those bastards for their desperation. I've been assaulted by some fools with whom I had to share same seat in long journeys that I am horrified to share seats anymore along men now. Yeah, I have the experience of being stared at my chest which embarrasses me that I have started to cover it up with a shawl. Yes, I have been misunderstood. Get a thing you thick head people that if I am friendly and gracious with you guys, it's not just for SEX.

Image: www.google.np

I don't have the privilege to stay late nights and have fun like you do because I have to return home in a public vehicle. I even don't have the democracy to dress up the way I like because of the filthy comment or the look you deliver. I don't have the liberty to walk with my girl- friends anymore without terror in my mind because you could just stab me publicly. I don't own any autonomy to reject your proposal because you could just spill acid in my face. These days I am petrified to speak my mind, to live my life the way I want to or to go to the places I want to because I could rouse you or disgust you or provoke you and you have the full advantage to do anything to me. I will be facing the scorns of the society or will be lying in a hospital bed fighting with my death, while you will be roaming around freely, flirting and having fun with another woman of my kind.

It doesn't matter you anymore if I am tall or short, fair skinned or tanned, covered up or showing skin, married or not, in bus or at home, alone or in public, day or night, in school or at my work-place and you don't think twice about my age; you just need a woman, a girl, a female, a lady for you.

A daughter was raped by her own father. A student was molested by her own teacher. A female employee was physically abused by her own boss. Let it be on one side, a six year old girl was gang raped and left to die. A 85 year old woman was raped. A mentally retarded female who slept in street was not even left in peace. I am scared of these news. I don't feel protected anywhere. I don't see a safe shelter for us. I doubt on every single men I come across. These days I am scared because I feel I am inferior. I am scared because there will be no one to stand for me when I will need them. I am scared because I am no more safe in this men's world. 

Image:jiffy360.com

(I was very sad to hear the comment of the culprit of Delhi's Gang Rape case. It's not only him,but many men including the society pose the ultimate allegations on victimized girls themselves on provoking the criminal. Even I am scared these days. I wouldn't offend him/them consciously but what if they are mistaken and get wrong idea about me? So, I am scared, very much scared.)